Jacques:
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the canon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
(As You Like It, 2. 7. 139-167)

Official Rules: Rewrite Shakespeare

SPONSOR. Princeton Review Management, L.L.C. (the "Sponsor") is the official sponsor of this contest.

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ELIGIBILITY

[not for us :-(]

HOW TO ENTER

The contest begins on February 17th and the deadline for entry is March 10th (the "Deadline"). Entrants must enter the contest by submitting their essay via e-mail to rewriteshakespeare@review.com. Each essay must have the contestant's name, phone number, and e-mail address in order to qualify.

Every person who submits an essay shall be entered in the contest. Only one entry per person is allowed. All entries must be received by Princeton Review Management, L.L.C. (the "Sponsor") by the end of the Deadline, and entries must be completed in full to be eligible.

All materials submitted for the contest become the property of The Princeton Review and may appear on The Atlantic Online and elsewhere with annotations and comments from The Princeton Review staff. The entrant hereby irrevocably transfers to the Sponsor, its successors and assignees, all rights, title and interests therein, whether or not copyrightable or legally protectible or recognized as forms of property and whether or not completed or used in practice, including all rights under copyright and the exclusive rights to print, publish, distribute and sell the entrant's essay in all editions and formats in any form or medium whether now known or hereafter known throughout the world, which includes, but is not limited to, all formats of print and all formats of electronic, magnetic, digital, laser or optical based media, alone or in combination with other contributions, in whole or in part, in any language, throughout the world, together with the right to make such changes as Sponsor deems appropriate. The Princeton Review assumes no responsibility for lost, late, delayed, damaged, incomplete, illegible, unintelligible, inaccurate, or misdirected entries.

PRIZES

Prizes will be 10 copies of The Best American Essays of the Century, edited by Joyce Carol Oates and Robert Atwan, and 10 copies of The Best American Short Stories of the Century, edited by John Updike and Katrina Kenison. The top 10 winners will each receive a one copy of both books for a total estimated retail value of $30.

Total estimated retail value of all prizes that may be awarded is $300. No transfer of prizes or substitution of prizes is permitted. The winner is not entitled to any cash value of the prize.

SELECTION OF WINNER

Entries will be judged based on the grading criteria described on The Atlantic Online's Rewrite Shakepeare contest Web site. Decisions of the judges are final. Except for the winners and those selected for publication on The Atlantic Online, contestants will not be informed of the judges' scores or the rankings of entries. The judging will be announced on March 16th. A list of winners will also be posted on the Web site. Odds of winning depend on final number of entries and cannot be calculated in advance.