Counsel: My next witness will explain that if m'ludship will allow. I call the late Arthur Aldridge.
Clerk of the Court: The late Arthur Aidridge.
Judge: The late Arthur Aldridge?
Counsel: Yes m'lud.

(A coffin is brought into the court and laid across the witness box.)

Judge: Mr Bartlett, do you think there is any relevance in questioning the deceased?
Counsel: I beg your pardon m'lud.
Judge: Well, I mean, your witness is dead.
Counsel: Yes, m'lud. Er, ,well, er, virtually, m'lud.
Judge: He's not completely dead?
Counsel: No he's not completely dead m'lud. No. But he's not at all well.
Judge: But if he's not dead, what's he doing in a coffin?
Counsel: Oh, it's purely a precaution m'lud - if I may continue? Mr Aldridge, you were a... you are a stockbroker of xo Savundra Close, Wimbledon. (from the coffin comes a bang) Mr Aldridge...
Judge: What was that knock?
Counsel: It means 'yes' m'lud. One knock for 'yes', and two knocks for 'no'. If I may continue? Mr Aldridge, would it be fair to say that you are not at all well? (from the coffin comes a bang) In fact Mr Aldridge, not to put too fine a point on it, would you be prepared to say that you are, as it were, what is generally known as, in a manner of speaking, 'dead'? (silence, counsel listens;) Mr Aldridge I put it to you that you are dead. (silence) Ah ha!

Judge: Where is all this leading us?
Counsel: That will become apparent in one moment m'lud. (walking over to coffin) Mr Aldridge are you considering the question or are you just dead? (silence) I think I'd better take a look m'lud. (he opens the coffin and looks inside) No further questions m'lud.
Judge: What do you mean, no further questions? You can't just dump a dead body in my court and say 'no further questions'. I demand an explanation.
Counsel: There are no easy answers in this case m'lud.