20 novembro 2006

an alternative list of dating tips from the animal kingdom


1. Our good friends and co-evolutionaries Canis familiaris (the domestic dog) show that when in doubt which hole to aim for, thrust wildly. You are bound to land in something good.

2. Shrimps' hearts are in their heads. Men have neither hearts nor heads.

3. The tongue of a giraffe (Giraffa camelopardalis) is half a metre in length, long enough to clean its own ears. If you can do the same there may be a career option you had not yet considered...

4. Dolphins engage in group sex. If those squeaky grey-skinned fisheaters can do it, so can you.

5. The females of the bonobo species (Pan paniscus), closely related to humans, are known to use sexual favours to gain status and food. A point to remember next time you're short of change at the corner shop.

6. Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can’t find food. Unfortunately, men unable to find sex are rarely so talented.

7. The anal glands of cats, genus Felis, are used to mark their territory and identify themselves to other cats. Whether this explanation will convince the hotel not to charge you for excess laundering is questionable.

8. The sailfish, the swordfish and the mako shark can all swim at a speed of over 50 miles per hour. If you meet someone unpleasant at a club it's unlikely you'll be able to escape as quickly.

9. Lions have been known to mate over 50 times a day. This is probably the sole criterion to become King of the Jungle.

10. A rhinoceros's horn is made of hair. Men who are lacking in the horn department, on the other hand, are not advised to grow ponytails to compensate for the fact.

11. Human birth control pills work on gorillas. If you have more success finding contraceptives and a female gorilla than a mate, something has gone horribly wrong.

12. Time is limited and some opportunities may never repeat themselves. Take a tip from swallows of the genus Hirundo, who mate in midair, regardless of the number of people on the flight.

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