The Illiad... according to the Uncyclopedia

Agamemnon steals woman from Achilles. Achilles is sad. Achilles complains to his mommy, who happens to be a god. More woman stealing occurs. Pertinent descriptions of the crews of a large number of boats. Achilles whines to his mommy. Rocks no ten men today could lift are thrown into soft and yielding left nipples. Everyone dies. Achilles whines to his mommy.
Casts of characters:

• Achilleus - Momma's boy; application for the US Postal Service rejected due to his inability to control his "menis" or god-like wrath.
• Agamemnon - Once leader of a group of kindergarten schoolchildren; now believes he has the capacity to lead an entire army. The only army he is in control of are the ones attached to his torso. Everyone hates Agamemnon.
• Patroclus - his mom thought "Patrick" was a cool name, but his father wanted something cool, so your mom agreed to name him Patroclus
• Hector - The Trojan who reaks the most havoc and heck. Hence the name "Heck-tor"
• Priam - Hector's mother who has parenting issues. Like Oedipus's mom, Priam has a thing for her beautiful transfestite, Paris
• Paris Hilton - Hector's beautimous transfestite sibling and offspring of Priam with a pay-as-you-go cell phone plan
• Helen - The most unimportant character ever. Menelaus's boyfriend, seduced by Paris (what a nightmare, right?). Forced unwillingly (or was it willingly?) to be in the company of Trojans during copulation.

[From the Uncyclopedia]